**this post may or may not make sense. i am just typing. story telling. not sure if there's a method to my madness. just gotta lotta stuff in the cranial space.

according to dictionary.com, i give you the following definitions:

family -
   a. a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether         
      dwelling together or not: the traditional family.

   b.

a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for: a single-parent family.

parent - a father or a mother

father - a male parent

mother - a female parent

sister - a female offspring having both parents in common with another offspring; female sibling

brother - a male offspring having both parents in common with another offspring; a male sibling

**i wanted to include those definitions as i am sure i will hit on one work or another here in a bit.

most children when growing up have a dream. a 'when i grow up' dream. needless to say when i was a child...i was a dreamer.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

we hear this question a lot when we are growing up. we ask it of our children now. Big'K wants to be a forensic pathologist. Lil'K changes her mind on any given day. singer, farmer, ballerina, mother, hooker. yeah. you heard the last one right. although it was a very innocent meaning. she meant farmer. yeah. do NOT ask.

if you were to have asked my Great Aunt - PotPot - she would have said simply: a mother. she is 90. i believe the generations have changed. although back then and even now little girls dream of getting married. they play 'house' and have babies and plan out that day in their heads over and over. well PotPot got her dream, all-be-it through the method of adoption. she was barren. as the mojave. and so was my mother. had you questioned her as a child she would have said simply: a mother. she would have been 62 right now. but she passed away when she was 43. she got her dream, twice, also through adoption. i believe the generations have changed. between those points and now.

had you asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up i never once said mother. and hell-to-the-no about being married. was there something wrong with me? was i genetically imperfect? should i have said that? i do not know. i do know that i never once planned my wedding as a young girl. never. once. as an adult i did. ring. dress. venue. flowers. cake. yeah, eventually i figured all that out. and no...i am not gay.

i did eventually when pushed would say i wanted children. to be a mother. a wife? notsomuch. the thought of someone telling me what to do...painful.

most little girls when questioned now will include mother. but it is no longer the first 'occupation' out of their mouths. it is included amongst the answers of lawyer, doctor, dancer, ballerina, princess...and many other choices.

what changed all that? was it the world? was it that we have more choices now? was it society? was the need to be a mother and have a family the expected thing to do? was it the role we were pushed into believing was our only organically approved job? and yes. i said: job. being a mother is not easy. well maybe the act of being a mother is. i see teenagers do it everyday. but not the day to day of motherhood. the day to day of motherhood is full of poo, whining, crying, tears, happiness, chaperoning, cooking, laundry, dirt, mud, puppies, cleaning house, and so many more yucky things, happy things, sad things, and stereotypes.

let us talk about stereotypes for a bit. who is a mother? the technical definition is above. "a female parent". but the definition of a parent is "a father or mother". nowhere does it outline the true nature of the job. nowhere are you prepared for what will happen when the shit hits the fan sperm hits the egg.

the mothers of yesteryear were homemakers. for whatever reasons. the way Big G meant it to be. but as a little girl i was not content with that role. that job. i wanted adventure, and fun, and experiences, and...a life. how on earth could you get that being a mother. *oh the horror* i wanted to write. have horses. live in the mountains. have a dog for a best friend. paint. visit paris. do things. other than dishes and the such. no poopy diapers for me. no drooling. no spitup. no bottles. no taking care of anyone else.

i had a dream!!

as an adult i have friends that would have stopped at nothing to be mothers. my BFF went through hell in a handbasket to be one. and various other friends have made it into their 30's with no children. *gasp* all of them wanting nothing more than to hear the pitter patter of little feet. some of them barren. some of them just have not gotten to that point yet. i have sympathy. i am not a heartless bitch someone without emotions. i just cannot empathize. i did not have that longing. that ache. that need.

today: i am a mother. of two amazing girls. and i love it. i have found adventure. and fun. and experiences. and...a life. a life as a mother. do i enjoy my job? sure. do i love my job? sometimes it is sketchy of course! everytime i hear a baby, or smell that smell. my womb aches. (even though it is in a landfill somewhere) my fibers ache. then my head aches. because now: i am barren. does it bother me? only for about half a second. then Lil'K knocks something over. or spills red kool-aid on my carpet. and i forget it. quickly.

i have a family. it may not be a normal one. it may not be a traditional one. but it is still my family. it is fun, and full of adventure, and the experiences....OH the experiences. but i love them. all of them. am i married? choke gasp cough spit nope. do i want to be? yeah. my reasons may not be the same as every other womans. but i do want to eventually one day before i die sweet Big G let it happen sooner than later get married. do i need that to be happy with my hodge podge family? nope. would it help? only with the chores totally.

you see, my family, my 'social unit' has parents. and mothers. and fathers. and sisters. and brothers. just not all from the same traditional standpoint. my family is: me, BFF, her hubby (formerly known as juicy, now juiceless), Big'K, Lil'K, Big'R, Lil'R, and Mid'K. we are a family. we share responsibility. we cook dinner together. we laugh together. we cry together. we go through crisis' together. we celebrate together. we are a family. by choice. how many families can say that? uh huh. i thought so.

my career. meh. it is so so. it makes money, but never enough to pay quite all the bills without getting behind. and i do not always love it. way back when i would have loved what i do now. but now? i just really could kick that first bra-burning-woman in the ass wanna be a homemaker. a stay at home mom. do not get me wrong. women needed rights. and we needed equality. but sister let me tell you...we will never be equal. and now...society, the world, Big G, someone has decided that the job of the yesteryear is no longer acceptable. the social unit has changed. the traditional family is disappearing. and that really scares me. did i do that? did my generation do that? did the bra-burning-heifers do it? i do not know. i just know that now...knowing what i know...i would love to stay at home, and cook, and wash bottles, and change diapers. and be on a bowling league, and have tupperware parties. those days are gone. and born are the days of dual breadwinners. and same sex marriages (which i would totally support if that heifer would take my trash out and mow my grass!) single parent families. divorces. teenage moms. blended homes. work-a-holic parents. nannies (again, totally support if she would cook and do the laundry!) we are a selfish bunch now-a-days. but it is not all bad. i know. and this post is making me out to be some anti-feminist person. i am not.

i am just tired.

i have a headache.

my house looks like a tornado hit it.

my mountain of laundry is growing arms.

there are no spoons in my drawer.

no one to spoon in my bed.

my sheets will NOT wash themselves. no matter how many times i ask.

my feet hurt.

my mower sucks.

my bank account is negative.

and my sex life hahahahahahahahahahahahah are those even still around??






i. am. tired.

but i love my family. and my life. and being a mother. and my kids.







even if they are trying to kill me!














and growing up? meh. it is not that important. i am not sure i have grown up. i mean i am totally bigger than i used to be. but grown up? nah.

but if you asked me now what i wanted to be when i grow up?


i would say simply: a great mother.

it just took me a little longer to get there. that's all.



what do you wanna be when you grow up?

2 comments

1. Crazed Mama on April 2, 2010 at 11:53 AM

   I am hoping I never have to really grow up! New follower here found you on MK forum, I am the new MK publisher mom in my area! I will see you on Supah's Troopah's!
   Rebecca

    
2. Loco YaYa on April 2, 2010 at 10:14 PM

   thanks. followed back. love the blog!! and howdy fellow MK PM!