you always know. always.
sometimes bad. sometimes good.
horrendous and miraculous.
but you know.
I literally cried all weekend. yes it was mother's day. I know this. but Friday and Sunday tried to kill me. I swear it. worked so hard on trying to get the washer hooked up. got the hoses hooked up and boom...water spraying everywhere. I cried. get the water situation fixed and there is still a cap on the drain. I cried. I even sent out an SOS on the book of faces. it simply said "Please send: flathead screwdriver, hammer and beer." within a few minutes I commented "found screwdriver and hammer" needless to say quite a few friends say the cry for help and started trying to mobilize a beer drop. I popped the cover off finally. I still cried. got it all ready to go and them boom...no electricity to the outlet. so I cried. one of my neighbors showed up. saw the state I was in and immediately left. but came back with beer! I cried again.
Saturday was great. we spent the day with the BFF and Big'R, who celebrated a birthday; as well as Lil'R. got to see Mid'K and Juice too. ate some awesome sushi and had some yummy froyo. walked around window shopping and just having a great time in general. left to come home after a wonderful day and cried. because it was one of the best days I have had in a while. and I miss the BFF and the kids so so much.
Sunday decided to hand me once since Saturday went so well. the electrician showed up and fixed the plugs so everything was golden on that end. I plugged in the washer and voila! we had power people. one small step for mom means no tears today. so then I decided to hook up the dryer. and realized that the cord was not hooked in yet. I struggled to get the plate off. cried. could get the wire hooked in but could NOT get the tension-relief-strain-stopper-don't-pull-the-cord-out-the-back thingamajig done. my hands would not work right. years of carpal tunnel and neuropathy have taken their toll. that screw seemed so small and my hands so big and clumsy. so I cried. and cried. and Lil'K stayed away because she thought I was nuts. and I was crying. and mom never cries. or at least she never used to this much. I eventually got the damned wire and tension thing done and in. could not wait to plug it in and get going. go to plug it in...wrong receptacle. the range and dryer outlets were backwards. cue more tears. luckily the electrician was still there and came and switched them around. plugged in...power. yay! wash a load. yay! move to dryer... fuck. we still had not cut the hole to vent the dryer. are. you. serious. tears. more tears. cussing. flinging of things. frustration. defeat.
between the washer and dryer and Friday and Sunday I can honestly say I was defeated by the weekend. and laundry apparently. it happens. just normally with much fewer crying.
the funny thing is where I work we have donors. and one of them is a younger guy. my age. and he was asking about how things were going. and as I was telling him you could see the horror on his face. "what in the hell is wrong with you? crying and shit. you've lost your inner dude. you are totally a girl now. we need to bring you out for beer and wings and man your ass up." I laughed and laughed. but it was so true. it seems like ever since I lost my uterus I lost my dudeness. yeah. do not ask me how that works, but it happened that way. me. crying and shit. jeez. I have been so weepy lately. like a big pansy. argh. this house thing is gonna be the death of me.
needless to say after all the book of faces posts and stories my cousin Harley has organized a group of people that are coming over this coming Sunday to help. Baby J send in the calvary! the universe heard me. and has sent an angel. it was supposed to be a surprise but she had to oust it because she had questions. and wanted to make sure I was up for it. and had a list. so yeah. surprise ruined. but that is ok. because I still do not know who all is coming. so that will be nice. I have made a list. and answered her questions about what I need and do not need. they are bringing food and help and paint and all kind of stuff. and just help. help. and I am ok with that at this point.
and I am sure I will cry again. but it will be good tears. not tears of frustration. or anger. or sadness.