and yes. i am still alive. this last few months have been very .... testing. to say the least. we have had ARDs and BIPs and 'pick this crazy kid up from school because we cannot handle her ass' days. and then i had the virus "death brain cough up my spleen 104 fever i am gonna freaking meet my maker" virus. you know the one. for an entire week. i am still not quite back to where i am normally. actually today i am feeling a little bleck. nothing in particular stands out. just not right.
i have still been reading. faithfully. just have not really posted. i am seriously trying to change that. i have this problem though. i know so many great bloggers that will jot notes or do a message to their voicemail for ideas on posts. well see, my head is always full of great posts. but when the head is churning things out... my ability to sit down and blog is not always there. i have tried to pull out my nifty phone and record my words as they are flowing from the noggin. but when i go back and try to make it into a post, the feelings are gone. and so much of my writing is based on the feeling at that time. the funny, the sad, the silly. that is where my inspiration comes from. my feelings. that is where most of my posts come from. whatever i am feeling at that time. or not feeling as the case may be.
i want to be a better writer. i am a good writer. i know this. i have been. and i am not being crappy. but i want to be a blogger. maybe that is the proper statement to make. when i started this blog i did not care about numbers. about visits. and people reading. i still really kind of do not. i could care less if i only had three regular visitors. but i do like knowing that other people are reading. maybe even commenting. so i have been trying harder to share on twitter. i do not share on my facebook because that is a more 'people i know in the now' space. and this is more of a ... get shit out of my head space. and i do not always want the same people reading both areas. but i have been trying to drive a little more traffic my way. and it has been working. i just really wanna do a couple of blogging conventions. meet some of these wonderful people i read. learn from them. but that requires finances...that i obvs as a single mom do not have. but i will work on it. seriously for next year.
for now. you will all just have to deal with the drivel that i manage to plunk out on any given day. and i do appreciate you reading.
i really really do.