this year was a little rough. the first christmas back in my GG's house after she passed. it was strange. my aunt has moved in. and it looks wonderful. new paint. her furniture. new countertops and sink. walls where there were not before and gone from where they stood my whole life. but i understand. she had to make it hers. so that when she woke up every morning the urge to cry was not there. i went in the house the first time after her death when my aunt just had things studded out. it was strange. seeing it finished was even stranger. i walked around just looking. quietly. taking it all in. i guess things cant stay the same way forever. but when they change it does not mean it is not painful.
there was shrimp gumbo on the stove as there has been for years beyond my existence. rice. potato salad. peppered (not sweet) cabbage slaw. broccoli cheese rice. ham. tea. the only thing i missed this year was the deviled eggs. if they were there i did not see them. everything was the same. except that one chair was empty.
but for the most part christmas eve was ok. other than the stated. the step monster was there and so was pops. as i sat at the 'kids table' all i could say was 'i swear if she touches me i am gonna go off!' but the Big G was listening...and no touchy. thank Big G again. cause had she touched me i would have flipped out. i hate being mean. it is not in my list of things i need to do today. being mean is way far down. but lately my urge to be bitchy is taking over. but this year i was good. i did not react. i just ran my mouth. yay for being medicated.
this was the first year that my tree was up before dec 20th. and all my shopping was done before christmas eve. not quite sure why i was so on top of it this year. it was the year of 'no money'. kind of like the year of the dragon but different. made it into the top 5 for sure. maybe the top 2. but the girls enjoyed it. everyone was satisfied and no one cried their self to sleep.
my lil'bro came down. matilda as i affectionately refer to him. do not ask. that explanation is a blog post within itself. he had five days here. which was like oh i do not know...FOUR more days longer than he normally has. so that was awesome. the best part of my holiday. that and the fact that my 'family' spent the majority of it with me. and by 'family' i mean the ones i consider my family yet are not really. my BFF, juice, and the kiddos. THAT is my family. and they were there.
between being in GG's house again, not hitting the step monster, my lil'bro being here, presents under the tree, kids not crying over their presents, and my family being around... things were good.
in my world this was the best christmas in a long time.
medicated or not.
i hope your christmas was just as happy!