I am an adopted child. My birth mother...never met her...know very very little of her. What I do know is that I was adopted by a loving, patient woman who wanted children of her own so much that it ached. I can tell you I was adopted as an infant. Somewhere around the six week mark or so. I can also tell you that I was not a 'bonding' type child. I'm not quite sure I ever did. I was fussy, and had colic like the worst of 'em, even as an infant didn't want to be hugged or touched or loved on. I was a hard child. I don't know how she did it. But I know one thing...she never gave up. By two years I think I would have been disgusted with my own self...but she...never gave up. i wasn't mistreated. I wasn't unloved. Even though I didn't bond she did. And that's all that was needed. I believe even if neither of us would have bonded she still would have loved me. She chose me. She would have done it.
Did I ever bond with her? I don't think so. Not fully. I will never really know. She passed when I was 15. So I don't get to hear the stories of how I was or why she stayed and hung in there. I loved her. She was my mom. Luckily for her she adopted a baby boy three years later and he...he was loving. And bonding. Took the heat off of me. :-)
I have two children of my own. My flesh and blood. And bonding with my oldest was difficult. She was much like me as a child. No touching, no loving, no bonding. I was young and on my way to medical school. So in addition to not bonding I was resentful. (Don't worry it faded and we are all bonded and happy!!) Even as I entertained the idea of giving her up I didn't. And even at her two year mark, and three year mark...even after that long of not bonding...I wouldn't have given her up. Or away. She was mine. I chose her. It was my responsibility to be a mother.
Bonding?? Really? That can come eventually.
And I believe sometimes it may take a lifetime.