How much has changed in the last ten years?
I went from being 24 to 34 and oh what a difference that ten years makes. My body no longer wants to or never mind remembers how to do things that seemed to come so easily back then. My lady parts have been ripped out and sent to a landfill. Menopause is not for the faint of heart. Night sweats, old lady hands, and hot flashes have become the normal. My boobs have been cut down by 6 pounds and why the hell did I not do that sooner? Tumors have been removed from various parts of my body and 'anesthesia head' is not a mystery. It is solved. And I have had it quite a few times in the last decade. My 3 year old is now a teenager and at some point halfway through I had another one that is now five. I have changed jobs at least 8 times and job fields twice. I have been deployed in the military. Blown out my knee. Attended a ton of concerts. Watched way too many people leave this earth and attended too many funerals. I have partied with some of my best friends and made new ones both in real life and here on the webiverse. I learned what a blog was, how to twitter, that facebook can lead me to people I thought were lost forever, and found out that I love social media. I have opened my heart up, complained, bitched, celebrated, thanked and in general opened up my soul on line for all the world to see...and was rewarded for it. Cell phones and T.V's have gotten smaller but smarter and more houses have internet and computers than record players and VHS tapes. Cell phones fit in your ears and computers fit in your hands. Now I am just waiting on the flying cars! 2001 brought the death of Big'K's father, the 10 year anniversary of the death of my mother, and a bunch of assholes trying to blow up our beautiful U.S.of A. Flying has become more of a pain in the ass, driving has become expensive, minimum wage has increased and most people are still struggling. The presidents have changed in more than just the color of their party. I have seen things happen that I did not think I would see in my lifetime and pray for other things that I hope I do. People have both amazed and disgusted me, but still manage to surprise me every day. I have grown up, changed, and experienced things that were new to me. I have loved, lost, laughed, cried, puked, screamed, had breakdowns, been depressed, scared, thankful and regretted past decisions. The power of mom and women in general has amazed me and continues to do so every time I pull up this world that was somewhat foreign a decade ago that has become part of my everyday life. I have recognized my shortcomings, embraced depression, realized how much I have screwed up my kids, not thanked my BFF enough, held on to people I should have let go of, and not fought enough to keep some I waved bye to. I have changed cars, changed houses, and changed dress sizes.
I have lost the girl I used to be and found a woman I did not know.
This last decade has been hard. I can only pray that the coming decade is much better. At the beginning of this year I decided to not make resolutions but solutions. To change things. I can tell by reading that post that I was a different person then; yes, even just a year ago. This last year has been hard. Really hard. I did do some of the things I had wanted to in my 'solution' for the new year post. Some I did not and failed miserably at. I think you can have the best of expectations but things happen. Things that shape you, even when you are resistant. In the end I guess it is just preparing you for who you will be. Maybe not having any expectations is the best way to go. Not having resolutions or solutions, not trying to make things happen; rather, just letting it happen. Going with the flow, shaping your way but mostly just riding. I do know I have no idea what the answer is, even though I try to convince myself I do. I have realized after this past decade that I really have no idea. At all. Maybe taking that revelation with me into the next decade will help to shape it a little better. I do know I cannot imagine what this next year will hold. I look forward to reading this a year from now and seeing where things have gone.
And I look forward to finding out more about the woman I have become, and maybe getting a little bit of that girl back...