She can take her for a week and see where she gets.
I recently, within the last three months, have changed my parenting methods. Or at least given it one hell of a go. I have completely quit spanking. (Yes, I was a spanker. I am from the south. It was the way I was raised. Getoffme.) I have also quit screaming. I have gone to time outs and taking away things she loves. There are a couple of problems with this new method:
1. She will continue to push me until I am broken. At which point all patience is gone. And I will break, at which point I will scream. (Although I have not spanked in quite a long while. I have popped to get her attention.)
2. In order to take away things she loves, I end up having to take away things from not only my oldest daughter, but myself as well.
3. It is a very s.l.o.w. process. One which I am struggling to complete.
I know that parenting does not come with an instruction manual. I also know that this is something we sign up for during that unwritten contract that comes with being a parent. However, I also thought parenting was not something that should/would produce tears on a daily basis. At least not the bad kind.
I am at the end of my proverbial rope. I have been hung. My daughter has twisted, turned, and beaten me into a person I no longer like being. It is exhausting. And sad. I get that she is hard headed. Stubborn. Independent. Strong willed. And recently has lost control of a few areas of her life. Yes, even five year olds need to be in control of something. They like the feeling and need to have at least a little bit of control. Just like us big people. With some of the changes that have taken place in the last quarter of a year, she is no longer in control. This is part of the reason for the fits. The other part I am sure has something to do with my lack of a routine. The chaos she causes can sometimes make a routine hard to accomplish. I do understand there are other things that cause the fits. What I do not understand is why? Even though she sees me trying. Even though she understands what it does to me, her sister, and everyone around her. Even though it makes her life increasingly harder each time. Why? What makes her need to see me broken so strong? What makes her just not care?
What is so sad is that she can be a great kid. She can be so sweet and caring. She is so intelligent and soaks up everything new like a sponge. I love seeing her grow and change. She is funny and likes to make other people laugh. She likes to help and know that she has helped. She can be so on top of things. Be perceptive of things that normal five year olds would not even pick up on. Loves to help cook and set the table. Understands how to do laundry and will offer to sweep and mop. Constantly sings. She can be amazing.
Mostly just for other people. Lately, as soon as I walk in all bets are over. She just spent the entire weekend at my aunt's house. Somewhere she has never stayed before. She was perfect. They went on and on about what a joy she was to have over and would love to have her again. She was so polite and sweet. And then ten minutes before we left, went all Rosemary on us. Over chocolate milk. Really? Chocolate fucking milk?? Calgon, drown me in bubbles. I was so embarrassed and shocked. Well maybe shocked is not the right word. Nothing shocks me anymore when it comes to her swings. I just could not believe it. In one instant she turned a great weekend into a nightmare. And since we have gotten home it has been a struggle. Now, she just ran in here so proud of the fact that she read the word "TAP". Completely different child from 30 minutes ago. The therapist brings up words like Bi-Polar and Defiance Disorder. I think of words more like 'my payback' and 'so much like her mother'. Either way, something has to change.
I know that there are many other moms out there that have had to deal with difficult children. Whether it was when they were younger or older. I know that the teenage years are yet to come. I am just hoping that she gets most of this out of her system before then. I am just hoping I survive till then.
What worked for you? How did you survive? Have you figured out the why?