Sep
16
crazy is relative. it can mean a ton of things. and just for s&g i will list what the internets has to say about it:- brainsick: affected with madness or insanity; "a man who had gone mad"
- foolish; totally unsound; "a crazy scheme"; "half-baked ideas"; "a screwball proposal without a prayer of working"
- possessed by inordinate excitement; "the crowd went crazy"; "was crazy to try his new bicycle"
- bizarre or fantastic; "had a crazy dream"; "wore a crazy hat"
- someone deranged and possibly dangerous
- intensely enthusiastic about or preoccupied with; "crazy about cars and racing"; "he is potty about her"
i know quite a few people that are crazy. some that have the papers to prove it and others that are just horribly passionate about something. lately i have been feeling quite crazy. in the papers way. not the fantastic way. my moments of motivation are few and far between and when they hit i have to act. and act fast, before they fade. it is the reason my blog has been so lacking lately. you see, i am a write blogger. i like to write. tell stories. or give accounts of my life. parts of my past, or present. i am also an emotional blogger. my writing is by emotion. if i am mad that day i write a hateful post. happy, then here comes the humor. sad, and you get a sappy pull at your heart strings post. lately i have just been crazy. and nothing good comes from that really. so i stay off the blog. even when i sit and try to write a piece or article for our newsletter or website it starts out great but comes out twisted by my emotions. hence the vaccination post the other day. it was meant to be a thought provoking piece, and turned into a rant. because i was crazy emotional that day.
i think one of the only good things out of my kind of crazy is, not only is it justified on a few counts, but i see it. i really do see it. i know when i am having an off day, and i hate it. i want it to be better but just cannot pull it out of myself. when i am on it, i am on it. and it is awesome. today i am motivated. and i have gotten more done by 1000 a.m. than i have gotten done in the last month. those days are few and far between right now. i have noticed that, even though i am broke, the more i get out of the house the more it helps. sometimes that means just sitting in a parking lot by myself and watching the day. the cars. the people. the birds. the air. it just helps. i cannot explain why. i am a very social person. i need to be out and about sometimes to just get myself right.
i have great friends. like great to the point i cannot even explain it, but because this is me we are talking about, you know i will try. they come over, they try to make me better. try to get me motivated. try to get me out of my slump. and i see that they are trying to help. and at that moment all i can do is try to not be mean. but sometimes the YaYa they know is just not in there at that moment. it is only Loco. and well, no one really likes her. i have also noticed that lately, as in the last year, i have been so negative. i complain about everything. the positive has left. i used to be so positive. you can ask any one of my 20+ year friends. i was the driving force when we were younger. the motivator. the one that was always smiling. but now, meh. i am so tired of being negative. even when i try to be positive, it just creeps back in. i know it is not healthy. for my family. my friends. myself.
i know i will return. and i know when i do it will be fine. it is just getting there that sucks. i also know we all have days like this. and all i can do is be so thankful i have the friends i have. that are, after all these years, willing to hang around and try so hard. and give so much.
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