the last two weeks have been a tad bit crazy. but i guess in a good way. i guess it starts with Christmas. the whole thing was just so weird. i do not know if the kids getting early released from school the Friday prior to Christmas, which made Christmas seem to come faster, or if it was that i took off of work the entire week of Christmas. this holiday just seemed strange from the get-go. my cousin and his wife (and adorable two year old!) were down from Colorado for a week to celebrate with us, but to also pack up their home to move permanently from here to there. we had tons of fun and cousin time. which was great. we enjoyed it so much. although it did seem like i was killing my liver a little at a time. Christmas Eve i pulled a little bender. ended up in a ditch. and i do not mean my car. i mean me. my body. in a ditch. a very cold, wet ditch. for hours. yep. yay vodka. combined with a safety meeting (long story). needless to say it was a fun night...but a little overdone on my part. here at the Casa de la Loco, we open presents on Christmas Eve morning. a tradition that was started after the birth of Lil'K. we just have too many places to go in too short a time. well the present opening came and went with very little fanfare. it did not help that Lil'K decided to bust out of bed at 2:30 in the morning. i talked her into staying in bed until a little after four. which made for a long day for mama. the big guy in the red suit only brought three presents per child. which could have been the issue. the mama decided to pay bills first and get presents second. it was a smart financial decision, but sucked for the girls. i do not regret it. at all. extra presents did come in the mail from my second mother. which was awesome. and much appreciated.

after the ditch incident later that evening, Christmas Day ended up kind of being a blur. we made it out to Papa Loco's house. and did the fat red man there. normally we would spend Christmas evening for dinner with the BFF, but she was out of town. out of state actually. which made the holidays even weirder. the first time in almost a decade that Christmas wasn't spent with my family. i actually got to visit with my aunt that i rarely see which was wonderful. it just seemed that the whole week flew by. this past week was even dumber. off on monday, work on tuesday, work on wednesday and thursday. off on friday. work on saturday. off on sunday (today) and back to work tomorrow. i guess that is what i get for taking a week off.

through all of it though my kids were like champs. they did not complain, at least not more than normal kids do. and it made me proud. they did not complain about the lack of gifts. the appreciated the fact that all of our utilities still worked. they appreciated the visit with all of the family. i am amazed by my children every day. even the bad days. i am still proud of them. and amazed that someone so loco is who made them. who has raised them. it is just amazing.

tonight Big'K said something that made me so proud. we went for burgers. it was late and i did not feel like cooking. while at the burger place i noticed a strange guy. you know the one. speaking too loudly. dressed in too many layers. dirty beard and hair. very disheveled. pacing. around the inside and then outside and back in. you could tell he was hungry. but obviously had no money. and he was crazy. not in a good way. in a schizo or bipolar way. and he was apparently not medicated. normally where we live it is pretty warm. but right now we are in the middle of our 'winter' which means it can get nippy. i was very cautious of him. as both of my children are 'special' and tend to attract the weird ones. when we were finished eating, i sent the girls with my car keys to go get in the car. and i walked up to the counter. i asked the girl if she knew if he was just drunk or was he mental. already knowing the answer. there was a good possibility he may have been drunk. but he was without a doubt mental. all i could see in my minds eye was Lil'K, my brother, or many of the countless others that i know that suffer from mental illness in that same predicament. she said she did not know. but he had been there for well over an hour. in my time there he had gone up and gotten a coffee cup. i asked her did he pay for his drink and she said no. "i think he has something wrong with him. he babbles off and on. about nothing or everything. he is obviously hungry. but i think he is homeless" she said back. in an almost whisper as to not draw his attention. i then told her the following: "in this bag are two of our three orders of fries. we did not need them. i want you to order four chicken strips. if not eaten they are easy to carry and will keep for a while. also order a small drink. when they are ready, please give the bag of fries and the chicken and drink to that man. he obviously needs it." she looked at me with eyes full of question. "my youngest daughter is mentally ill. i have many friends that suffer from mental illness as well. they could just as easily be in his predicament. and i would like to think that there are still good people in the world that would look at them and know that it is ok to be afraid, but not ok to shun or ignore them. that even just a meal could make a difference in their life." she told me thank you and that she would do it. "no need for thanks, you just find a need and pass it on." those were the words i left her with. when i got to the car Big'K was crying. not sobbing. just single tears. i had told the girls what i was going to do and that i wanted them to go to the car. because it was ok to be a little afraid. and just in case i wanted them to be safe. i backed my car up far enough that i could see the guy, i was afraid he would leave before his food was ready. he was not sitting where he had been and i was worried. then Lil'K said look mom he has the food! and there he was walking back from the drink counter with our bag of fries, a box of chicken and a HUGE smile on his face. as i drove away Big'K simply said...

"well now i know where i get that feeling inside that i want to always do for people. and pay it forward all the time. to reach out to those that are different. to be afraid but still help. i get it from you. and that makes me proud mom. it makes me proud of you and proud of me and sister that we have such a good example."

just when you think you suck at parenting a little gem like that pops out of your child's mouth. and you are instantly proud. and know you are doing something right.

2013 - the year of the pay it forward in this house has officially begun.

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

For the longest time I was scrooged at Christmas time. I just could not get into the spirit. Do not get me wrong, I loved the faces of my children opening gifts. The smell of the yummy baked goodies. Wonderful food at every house we visited. Gifts waiting for each of us. Celebrating the birth of sweet Baby J. The sights, sounds, smells and more importantly the reason were not lost on me.

I think the slow decent into Scroggery happened over the years. No one thing in particular. There was no straw that broke the reindeer's back. It just kind of... became. I will say that the commercial influence has contributed. Christmas crap in stores before Halloween is over. Music blaring before the turkey has been carved. These things have hurt Christmas for me.

This year money is tight, as is usually the case in my house. Single mom. Two kids. One paycheck family. And a fackin partridge in a burning bush. Or something like that. It just never seems to add up. Especially during the holidays. This year both of my children have three...count them, THREE gifts from me/Santa. I was a bit bummed. Then I checked my mail and my other mother (mother of The Surgeon) sent three boxes. Filled with gifts of varying sizes and shapes all neatly wrapped in their Christmas joy. Those three boxes meant the world. As they do every year. And every year I forget they are coming until they get here. This is a new thing. You see, The Surgeon is Lil'K's Godmother. 'Tse Nan as she has been affectionately coined in our world. Most of my family is Cajun. MahRah is Godmother in the cajun language. And she is small. So 'Tse is added to that. Most GM's in our family are Nan, NanNan, MahRah, Nanny or 'Tse Nan. She is a surgeon, hence the nickname, and at this point has no children. She was beyond delighted that she was titled with Lil'K's Godmother. In our family, your Nan is very important. There is always a bond there between them and the child. So a couple of years ago we started heading up to the Big D (Dallas for those of you NOT from the greatest state in the nation) and spending time during Christmas with my 'other' family. The last two years we have not been able to make it, and Mother of The Surgeon has sent packages. I cannot begin to tell you how appreciated it is. This year it made all the difference.

The fact that my children are only getting three things was really not what bummed me, as they have enough. And we are all well aware that there are millions out there with much less. It is just that I cannot give my children everything that I want to. That is what bums me out. But I am still happy with this year. I am OK. This year, the first time in many years, The Scrooge did not hit me. I was actually happy to see the holiday season slide in. So happy in fact, that my tree went up way before it usually does. I have friends whose tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving. Any given year we are lucky if ours goes up a week before Christmas. This year, I was all kinds of on top of the tree business. I did notice though, that this will probably be the last year for this particular tree. It is leaning. And in general just old. All of our ornaments are either handmade throughout the school years by the kids, or wooden ornaments that the three of us have painted. I love my little ghetto Charlie Brown tree. It is very fitting. Next year we will have to upgrade I fear.

I have made a decision this year, even with the un-Scrooged heart and Christmas present miracle. Next year I believe we are going on a trip. I have great memories of Christmas as a child. But the center of those memories would be the togetherness of my family. Not the presents, tree or even the food. It was that we were all together. I just feel that maybe next year a trip might would serve us better. We rarely get out of the house, nonetheless the state. I think it would be a great change of pace. All together. For the holidays.

This holiday season will find us at over half a dozen houses. Logging more than 300 miles on my car. And tons of hand stamped cards. But it will be enjoyable. And happy. Full of family and loved ones. Great food. Badly sung Christmas songs. And most importantly, the Joy of being together.

I do hope you all have a wonderful holiday season. No matter how you celebrate, who or what you believe in and where you will be.