growing up we moved quite a bit. or at least it seemed that way. i really only lived in two or three different cities between kindergarten and senior year. between third and summer before eighth grade we lived in the same city. but moved about seven different times in that span. my mother stayed at home with us, most of that time; my father teetered between owning his own business and working contract work. so change was the constant.
as a human we despise change. or at least the majority of us do. but somewhere in all the chaos i developed a love hate relationship with change. my soul yearned for change but my mind fought it. i would yearn for change but then fight it when it was happening. i think that is only natural. most of that change was out of my control. and at the time was frightening, but now i look back on it and am glad it all happened. it made me who i am.
i try to teach my children to not be scared of change. to accept it and make the best of it. i have tried to teach them that this is it. the only life we get. and there is so much more to it than this corner of the best state in the world (texas for all you that were guessing). there is so much to see. and experience. even just in this great country of America. and it is important to see it. learn everything you can. why not? if this is it, why not do everything you can. and have the best life. and be the best person you can in the process.
with the changes i have made personally to who i am, and fighting to get the better parts of girl i used to be back, my nomad bones have started rattling in their cage. lately i have been struggling between my need to have my place, with my family and those i love around. and my internal need to roam. we have been planning 'the compound'. a parcel of land where three or four of my nearest and dearest will make roots. land that we can all work on. to make our place in this jacked up world. a safe haven. with gardens and animals for food. a community of sorts. protection from the outside chaos. so that in years to come my family can be safe. a place to call ours when the proverbial shit hits the fan. the plans are exciting. everyone is on board. we even have a 'shit or get off the pot' date set.
in the midst of all the planning my bones started rattling. my soul yearning to just go. not for long in the beginning. but to just get out. sometimes you have to get away to realize that you need to come back. with all the issues with Lil'K it has been near impossible. Big'K is finishing up her freshman year of high school and looking forward to the remainder of high school. as much as i would have loved for her to have been homeschooled, i think where she is now would not be a good time to uproot and explore. so i have made a truce with myself. three years. she will graduate in 2016 and head off to college. at that time Lil'K will just be heading into junior high. the BFF is a pro at homeschooling. that time would be perfect to leave. so the BFF and i have been coming up with a plan.
first off is getting the transportation. you see, we do not want to leave just to set permanent roots somewhere else. because at the end of the day, or the trip, i will always want to come 'home'. so we will RV it. she is looking right now for one. and i am doing the research. i think taking it easy in the beginning will work. her taking short trips to family with her kids during the next school year. and then eventually working in my crew as well. just summers. and not this one. next one. take off for about 6 weeks. and if that works, financially and physically, then the next summer take 10 weeks. the hardest part is financing. finding a way for me to work just during the year and then off during the summer. i have been working very hard on my finances over the last year and things are so much brighter. with a little more hard work and effort i believe i could pull off saving enough to make it through the summer while traveling.
after a couple of summers, and long enough to get Big'K through graduation from high school, we should have a true sense of whether or not it would truly work full time. taking the summer after her senior year as one last hurrah, and then hitting it full time. taking a year at a time. if at anytime we decide we want to come back then we will. and if not, we will just continue on until we decide not to.
it is a scary idea. but filled with so much wonder and excitement at the possibilities. as always this could just be another loco hairbrained idea. i tend to have those. but i think i have such elaborate ideas because my inner nomad is screaming. we are sitting still. we are becoming complacent. we are dying inside. so for right now it is an idea. one that we will thoroughly research. and plan. and hopefully put into action. and if not, it will be fun to plan and dream about.