hmmm. lets get personal for a minute. and i'm not talking poop.

before i moved back to the house i am in now i was having to stay at my parents. and by parents i mean my father and my stepmothers home. this stepmother has been there for 16 years. and i don't think it was a good 16 years personally. right before moving into this house there was a night in particular where my youngest was being a tad bit hard to handle and the grown up's decided to argue. needless to say it was horrible and i got a voicemail from a frightened 11 year old saying she was scared and they were fighting. that was the night that made my father change everything. he had allowed SM to be horrible to myself and my brother for years. but being horrible to his grandchildren was a totally different subject. and he was not going to stand for it. so he decided to move out. and in with me and the girls. we had plans. to add on to the house. to make it bigger and more accommodating. we spent quite a bit of money on the house. getting the roof fixed. and leveling it. repainting. updating the kitchen. so on and so forth. so that the 'plan' would work. i thought things were good. constantly asking him if he was ok. was he alright here? were we too much? and always no. i love it here. i am more relaxed than i have been in over a decade. ok good. things are good.

then.

BOOM!

the day after thanksgiving i get a letter. from my father. hes going back. they have been going to counseling and are gonna work it out.

so now? everything i had been working towards is gone. i do not have the credit to get the house in my name. he was gonna do that. i do not have the money to finish working on the house. we were gonna do that. i do not have the money to pay all the bills. it was a joint effort. so now what? what am i supposed to do? i have no idea. the inside of me wants to tell him to go to hell. go back to her and be happy and do not even worry about us. but thats not what i told him. not yet. so far i told him that he can go back and have counseling and be happy. but i have not. and may not. and he has to respect that. i do not like her. never have. and i have tried in the last three or four years to be nicer. and sweeter. and overlook the snide comments and harsh looks. and no matter how nice i was i never got it in return. so i am done. he can go back. but i do not have to. i told him i was not going over there. and the girls were not either. he could deal with that. i am living in her house so she can stop by to inquire about house related issues. but i do not want her here.

i. am. done.

so much for the thanksgiving spirit.

what are you thankful for? your kids, spouse, family, good friends, the crack that keeps you going day after day? im sure for everyone its something different. and dare i say not one of my friends are thankful for the crack. thanks for that.

ok. i get it. i know we're weird. and i know a lot of people don't understand us. but everyone has that person right? the person that is your person. the person you can't live without talking to on a daily basis. the person that knows the most about you out of all your friends. but would never tell a soul what they know. not even if they were super pissed. the person that knows so much about you they could sink you. but they wont. ever.