i work a 17 hour day on sundays. so needless to say by the time i get home sunday night...its monday morning. after a whopping combined sleeping time of six hours (between friday and saturday nights) and factoring in two back to back 17 hour days, it is safe to say that monday mornings are not my all time super shiny moments as a mom. normally, during the summer, its not so bad. i sleep late. the girls sleep late. everyone is happy. but school time...now THATS a different story. when the alarm goes off at 0600, i am, to say the least, a little cloudy. having gone to sleep at maybe 0100 the little three to five hour 'nap' doesnt do much for brain function. let me mention here that my job is not a 'behind the desk' type job. i can kill people make a mistake that would possibly not be in someones best medical interest! so my work weekend is not an idle mind type weekend. i have to think. truly use brain power. for 17 hours a day! so yes by monday...i am stupid.

today was no different. i was hoping that being the first day of school i would be on it. i called the girls last night from work to ensure that they were on the path to bed at around 2000. (8 p.m. sorry i use military time) everything seemed good. clothes were laid out complete with underwear and socks. backpacks were ready to go. showers were taken. it seemed like everything was fine. by the time i got home at midnight i learned that my four yr old Lil'K had been so excited that she didnt find sleep until almost 2300. i understand. i just knew the morning wake up call would be a little cranky. i was prepared. at 0615 my phone rings and immediately after hitting speaker on my iphone i was greeted with "POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME!!" completely off tone and wayyyy too early for this non morning mom. (me and some close friends attended the Def Lep Poison Cheap Trick concert the week before). it was my wake up call. what great friends i have!! they already know im a loser and cannot wake up on my own. i should make them award certificates for being smartasses wonderful friends! i think i may do that later in the week. moving on...

the girls get their normal "wakey wakey eggs and bakey" song that i sing like a moron in the mornings. everyone stumbles to the kitchen to take their seats at the breakfast table only to discover we have no cereal! strike one for mom. in my defense i work all weekend. my dad was totally capable of looking in the cabinet and knowing we were out of yucky charms or shitty wheats (mini wheats. and not because of the taste. because of the fiber.) but no. he did not. so we made due with some weird peanut butter chewy cereal bar. yuck. but whatever. they were fed. everyone gets looked over and theres no major visible issues. Lil'K doesnt have on socks. but i think socks are overrated. and Big K does have on underwear so score one for mom. we all make it into my its-not-a-mini-van (kia rondo) and proceed to pick up the other two that will be joining us. normally this is a car full that i dread. as manchild picks on Lil'K and the screaming starts. but this morning i think everyone was too nervous. idle chatter began and i was having a great morning! we get to the junior high and get manchild and Big K dropped off. and as they are getting out of the car i am clapping and singing "yay first day of schoo-oo-olll... first day of schoo-oo-olll...first day of schoo-oo-olll... go junior high! go junior high!" really loud!!! which i love because i know they are embarrassed... score one for mom but in return am getting the stink eye from the two that are way too big for me to sing to. now on to the high school. its time to drop of KK and she is ok with it but nervous because none of her friends have sent a text to her yet that they are here. ok wait. stop. when we were in school there were no text messages. you just walked in. and hoped your friends were there. although we were all band nerds so of course we were there. we had marching practice. but still. its school! walk in the damn building! and of course as soon as she opened the door i began to sing to her too. better response on this one. i just got a head shake. delighted at myself i begin to pull off. now on to the pre-k for Lil'K. we get back to the elem school and with seven bags of supplies on my arms walk to the classroom. this child has been excited for a week. jumping jelly beans. we get seven steps from the class and i hear a meek and humble "uh mom im scared" oh great. and i thought no one was gonna cry. well we did make it without incident and she made it into the class...tear free. me. not. so. much. got to the parking lot and they started flowing. and not the silent OMG im crying flowing. the ugly face distorted mouth MY BABY IS IN SCHOOL flowing. but i make it to the its-not-a-mini-van before anyone saw me. strike two for mom.

i got home, called the moms of manchild and KK, and fixed my first cup of coffee. success. look at me go. everyone to school. in one piece. yay mom. score one for mom. as i drink my coffee and enjoy my quiet time i realize (as i lay back down because im exhausted) that the girls dont have lunch money.

really.

really.

well piss. strike three for mom. YOURE OUT!!!!

so after a thirty minute ordeal i get money on the account. thank you internet gods!!! sometimes technology proves wonderful.

now all is well on the first day of school.

and once they got home...nothing but great stories. i love it. the first day of school is great. for everyone.

that being said...

in this world wide blogging web i have tried to pay more attention to other blogs. and websites on t.v. just the dumb things that we have been accustomed to being thrown in our faces for the last few years, but never really paid attention to. i have to say i have run across a few quite exceptional blogs. that i have been actively reading. and have found noteworthy enough to pass on to my friends and they to theirs. i do so enjoy reading these ladies (and a couple men). and in this strange blogging era its almost as if i look up to them. they are witty, sarcastic, out there, and just awesome. i am in awe. to these people i say thank you. for opening up your worlds too. because i so thoroughly enjoy them. oh and its great to know there are other people out there that think like me also.

woo hoo bloggers!!

here are a few of my fav's:

Amanda Palmer - crazy girl. like reading her stuff.

The Bloggess - just full of it all the time. but so true. down with the Shat.

The Mother. just awesome.

and of course

the BFF. nothing more to say.

alrighty. well i guess thats all for today. blue october tonight. ill blog on it at some point next week.

today is the day.

we are celebrating three birthdays today. my cuz August. one of my friends BTDT and another friends husband Racer. there should be quite a few peeps here. we have brisket, beans, pot salad, rolls, cheeze dip, hot sauce, chips, drinks of every variety, jello shots, and who knows what! just an all around good time. i have been planning...and waiting...for this party since april. some of my best friends will be here. we will do what we always do. sit around. laugh. drink. play cards. drink more. relive all the old moments. drink some more. and just in general cackle like a bunch of hens until well past midnight im sure. these parties are my life blood. they are what keeps me going. 'but yaya you are our glue. YOU are what keeps us all together and on the right track' i have heard this so many times over the years. its a compliment. to think that I am the one that keeps our whole group together. it wasnt always like that. i have messed up too. but at this point in my life that title is one of my most favorite accomplishments. i love it!!!

so tonight we will party. and everyone will have a blast. and then the calls will come...whens the next one?? maybe october. that sounds good. cooler days. cooler nights. bonfire!! yay.

but august is a bad month. my mother died on august 17th 18 years ago. and Big K's father died august 18th 8 years ago. a day after my moms 10 yr death anniversary her father is gone too. it was something that took a long time for me to even talk about. and i dont use it as an excuse it just is what it is. and its still hard for me to talk about it. i dont even like the words...my mom is dead. i am a mom. and i dont want my girls to have to say that. i was only 15. i hadnt yet done everything that i was supposed to do when your mom is there. and it was too late. i want to make sure i am here for my girls.

so this month is very hard for me. i spend most of it in a stupor. just not here. on the verge of crying the whole time. with the possibility that i may bust open like an old rust spicket. pouring out gallon after gallon of salty water covering everything like the great flood. right now. im so happy. my friends are showing up one by one. everyone is stoked. and we are all ready for music, food, and laughs. i am ready too. i guess i just need to go into the bathroom and fall out. just get it over with. or maybe drive down to the cemetery and just sit there and scream and cry and ask that question "why Big G??" i do that every year. and on drunken occasions. but maybe i should just take the next thirty minutes and go sob. im trying to hard to get into the mood. the hey im having a huge party mood! but i just cant seem to do it. everyone keeps asking me whats wrong? are you ok? did i do something? ummmmm NO.

there. i said it.

now..... on to the party!!

happy birthday august, BTDT, and racer!!!!! may this party bring you a little bit of happiness in our complicated and chaotic lives!!

and then itching again.

and then playing. but more itching.

scratching her head until there are holes where it is possible that brain matter is showing.

right now. as i am watching access hollywood (really? am i that bored?) she is trying and i mean not really trying at all... to go to bed. but all this trying is interrupted every three minutes with a burst of itching. scratching that makes my skin crawl. a sound that is un-human. almost that of a wild animal you expect to run across in some hidden jungle. that sound. i hear it in my sleep. when she sleepscratches.

whaddayagonnado.

on to bed. and the itching.

did i mention the itching??

ughhhh.